take one…
I’m having a difficult time putting my emotions to words right now. I’ve finally got my tickets for my trip to Thailand, but I don’t want to wait the fifteen days required before I can take off. I’m so excited, yet so anxious at the same time. The most difficult thing for me right now is staying calm and cool while I wait. It’s so easy to fly off the handle when my entire world is about to be turned upside down. I’m frustrated that I have to be here, but it’s so awesome to think that I’m this close. I’ve never been able to explain these emotions to people, except to say don’t let it knock you out of your love walk. There’s no way really to tell what it feels like; you just have to be here. Currently, the cocktail is tipping more toward “anxiousness” than “excitement,” but I can cheer myself up just by thinking of October 10th.
~Jonathan
take two…
That was what I was going to say. I almost published it yesterday before leaving the office and heading for church. It was in that meeting at church last night that I changed what I wanted to write. The preacher spoke specifically to me, and I told him so afterwards. He mentioned that frustration is a good thing; it’s a sign of impending change. But, that frustration shouldn’t be taken out on things or people around you. It’s not their fault; the frustration is a result of you. I realize now that the “Last Big Hurdle” isn’t the cost of airfare, but walking in peace with those around you when you are irritated with who you are and where you are.
Someone once told me that when you see a person with a character trait which really irks you, you probably have that same character trait in you. That irritation is because you know you need to change that about you. I really lost it yesterday, but after a few moments of thinking about it, I realized that the person with whom I was irritated was also frustrated about his circumstances. He, too, is walking through a major life change and is trying to deal with the emotions thereof. So I asked myself what it was about him that so frustrated me … and whether I needed to grow in that area. I can’t say I’m doing all things perfectly, but I like to think I’m at least passing the test now.
~Jonathan
Related Entries
- Back to Work: Part 1 “A Long Time Coming”
- Back to Work: Part 2 “Praying Out the Plan”
- Back to Work: Part 3 “A Sure Thing”
- Back to Work: Part 4 “Recollections”
- Back to Work: Part 5 “And They All Lived Happily Ever After”
- Mission to Thailand Update
- Photo Album: Mission to Thailand 2006
- ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
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On October 17th, 2006, at 5:12 am